Liner Messages

Do Not Argue With An Idiot. He Will Drag You Down To His Level And Beat You With Experience.

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I Asked God For A Bike, But I Know God Doesn't Work That Way. So I Stole A Bike And Asked For Forgiveness.

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We Never Really Grow Up, We Only Learn How To Act In Public.

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Evening News Is Where They Begin With 'good Evening', And Then Proceed To Tell You Why It Isn't.

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Light Travels Faster Than Sound. This Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.

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My New Years Resolution Is 1920 X 1080

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I May Be A Lonely Schizophrenic . . . But At Least I Have Each Other

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War Does Not Determine Who Is Right - Only Who Is Left.

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Women Might Be Able To Fake O*****s. But Men Can Fake A Whole Relationship.

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Going To Church Doesn't Make You A Christian Any More Than Standing In A Garage Makes You A Car.

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Best Reason To Give When You Slap Your Friend: I Didn't Slap You, I Simply High-fived Your Face

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I Drink To Make Other People Interesting.

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Remember I Before E, Except In Budweiser.

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We Live In A Society Where Pizza Gets To Your House Before The Police.

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The Problem With Some People Is That When They Aren't Drunk, They're Sober

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The Early Bird Might Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.

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Life Is Better Than Girls, It Always Sucks... !!!

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I Want To Die Peacefully In My Sleep, Like My Grandfather.. Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car.

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24 Hours In A Day, 24 Beers In A Case. Coincidence?

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Drugs Have Taught An Entire Generation Of American Kids The Metric System

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Without Question, The Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Is Beer. Oh, I Grant You That The Wheel Was Also A Fine Invention, But The Wheel Does Not Go ...

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Men Have Two Emotions: Hungry And Horny. If You See Him Without An Erection, Make Him A Sandwich.

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If God Is Watching Us, The Least We Can Do Is Be Entertaining.

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To Steal Ideas From One Person Is Plagiarism. To Steal From Many Is Research.

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Having S*x Is Like Playing Bridge. If You Don't Have A Good Partner, You'd Better Have A Good Hand.

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Knowledge Is Knowing A Tomato Is A Fruit Wisdom Is Not Putting It In A Fruit Salad.

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Politicians And Diapers Have One Thing In Common. They Should Both Be Changed Regularly, And For The Same Reason.

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Children: You Spend The First 2 Years Of Their Life Teaching Them To Walk And Talk. Then You Spend The Next 16 Years Telling Them To Sit Down And Shut-up.

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If Life Gives You Lemons, Throw Them At Some One!

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Cocaine Is God's Way Of Saying You're Making Too Much Money

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Just Read Top 100 Things To Do Before You Die, And Was Surprised To Find That Yell For Help Was Not One Of Them.

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